(this post does contain some swearing in it)
It's 2:32 in the morning on a Friday, and Hero and I finished watching an episode of Vinland Saga.
Today marks at least 3 days until Dan comes and picks me up to drive me down to Georgia where Hero lives so we can hang out for a bit before the feast later.
It's been a really hard couple of weeks leading up to the trip. My dad has told me over and over that me going isn't a good idea, my mom and stepdad has practically said the same thing, and even my sister has said the same thing. It's gotten to the point where I'm worried that something horrible will happen to me like they're warning me that it could.
I know that my parents say that I'm old enough to make my own decisions and whatnot, and I know that they're
To be honest, it's gotten a part of me fucking scared, and I'm just tired. I'm tired of feeling like I shouldn't be doing this. I'm tired of feeling like I'm absolutely stupid for this. I'm tired of going down the rabbit hole of the possibility of all that I've learned being false. I'm tired of being fucking scared and worried that this can't be real and that God isn't working through these people that I've gotten to know.
I wish I could just cast all of my fears and worries to the moon and just go through with this without much of a second thought. Tear off the mask of my anxious delusions without wincing.
But it's hard. But I'm still fucking trying.
God, please help me to have faith in You that You'll keep me safe and that You're working through Hero and this movement. I really need your help to get through the mental torrents of discouragement that I'm anticipating every single time that I get an opportunity to let my dad know when we'll be leaving.
At least the letter's ready...